Friday, December 15, 2006

The next Shenanigans uniform?

From New Scientist:

Basketball vests (singlets) with electroluminescent displays that show a player's score, and number of fouls, are being trialled in Australia.

Of course Shak would be electrocuted by his own sweat...

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Top 5 Beers

This is actually very easy for me, since I've probably only ever had 5 different types of beer :) In no particular order:
  1. Kilkenny - the darkest beer I like, Guiness being just a step too far.

  2. Tooheys Extra Dry - TED, 'nuff said.

  3. O'Briens Pale Ale - the "fruity" gluten-free beer that got me the last 6 months through my diet.

  4. Pils - always makes me think of the first Byron Road Trip, where I had 2 of these by the time we got to Dickson.

  5. Cooper's Pale - just because the last 3 beers I've had have been this.

To be honest, though, (say it with me) "Bertie doesn't even like beer".

Monday, July 17, 2006

It's an S Club Party!

Fellow Shenanigans, keep Sat 5th August free as I'll be having an ol' fashioned Kegger.

I turn 30, have moved into my new house and thought some nice tap beer would be a good way to celebrate.

For those not into beer (who the hell do you think you are?!) I'm sure I can find some lolly water or similar to keep you entertained.

Anyway more details to follow as it gets closer to the date, but now you all know the basic jist.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Return of the Top 5

I've been thinking for a while about some other contribution I might make, other than putting up pictures of hotties (which is valuable on its own, of course). So here it is:

Top 5 Computer Games

5 - Donkey Kong handheld

The first computer game I ever owned, probably costing 6 months pocket money. I buy new batteries for it every few years, just so I can "clock" it in reminiscence.

4 - Street Fighter 2

Fuck off K, you're not allowed to use special attacks 'cause I'm too lame to learn them. And stop sweeping, Brady. Also: "Better get me a wheelchair" and "Sureyoucan"

3 - Wipeout (Playstation)

The PS version wins just slightly because it has The Prodigy's "Firestarter" as one of the music tracks.

2 - Mario Kart (SNES or Nin 64)

1 - Legend of Zelda (SNES)

I've played this game from start to finish 3 or 4 times, which means it's waaay to easy for any serious gamer, but for me it's the perfect difficulty level. Wasted away many an hour I should have been studying during my Uni days.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Bertie's Babewatch

Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell

I watched Reefer Madness: The Musical again the other night, thoroughly enjoying a different fix of Ms. Veronica Mars. She can also be seen in selected episodes of Deadwood, a new movie Pulse, the no-doubt-hilarious Pootie Tang, and is currently filming Flatland: The Movie with Arrested Development's "Buster", Tony Hale.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Who’s Your Fucktard?

Now don’t think all my gripes are going to be about association football, but I’m not breaking from tradition today. This time my fucktard is English referee, Graham Poll. He was a particular shinning example of the quality of refereeing over the course of this World Cup and was the man on duty for Australia V Croatia.

I read this article thinking this will be the wrap up to say this ref got fined (okay, wishful thinking) or told to pack his bags and head back to England with his loser English soccer side mates. Now this is not what you think. He gave one Croatian player three yellow cards in one match, and miss all kinds of shit. That’s not why he’s a fucktard… okay that pretty much makes you a f’tard in any man’s code, but not why he’s MY fucktard. Read the article. Sports Illustrated is basically letting him tell his side of the story, but also to make excuses.

My favourites…
1) Poll said he was exhausted for the last 10 minutes of a match marred by eight yellow cards, three red cards and four goals. During the game, he faced severe intimidation from some players.

2)"It's time for me to let go of the mistake -- nobody got hurt from the error, nobody died ... What I did was a public mistake, but it didn't affect qualification, it didn't affect the outcome of the match."

3) "None [Poll has worked at the two previous World Cups and was also a part of the 2000 European Championship] have gone right, none have worked for me, for various reasons," Poll said. "We say in life one thing goes wrong it's unlucky, if two things go wrong then maybe you're really unlucky, but if it's three then you have to look at yourself and say something isn't quite right."

Right. Fair enough, he’s talking about his reasons for not retiring outright. Now let’s pull at the threads.


“Poll said he was exhausted for the last ten minutes…” Well shit. I’m sorry the game is a least 90 minutes long. When you go back to English Premier League are you going to blow time off at the eighty minute mark saying you need a little lie down? Or say, “Sorry guys I’m gonna need you to keep it clean, real clean and also could you not score any goals either for the last ten minutes – in fact you guys stay on this side of the field and guys on that side and I’m holding onto the ball”. I’m sorry ‘tard, but this is the World Cup. The biggest associated football event. The Olympics of Football. If you can’t do the job, don’t fucking apply. Stand aside, understand this is an import event and if you’re not up to the task, etc…

“During the game, he faced severe intimidation from some players.” Players arguing with the refs? Only in Soccer, huh? Now if the players are badgering you – card them, that’s what they’re for. Oh I forgot, you can’t fucking count so you don’t want to start doing that do you? Then again pull out the red one first, then you can keep going until all the players are sent off and then you might be able to finish up by the 70th minute. Besides maybe if you were doing a better job players wouldn’t be so aggressive towards you… maybe. And again, what the fuck would of happened if you were refereeing one of the later games that have to go into extra time to get a result? Showing a blue card for your cardiac arrest?


“It's time for me to let go of the mistake…” – Okay. “…nobody got hurt from the error…” – Fair enough. “…nobody died” Fuck, I fucking hate that expression. As if it makes every fucking things okay. Every fucking thing excusable. I hope the next time you go to the pub, the bar keep doesn’t give you any change and/or a really heady beer and just says to you, “Nobody got hurt, nobody died”. But right nothing bad happened; unless not sending a player off who then feels he’s got free rein (‘cause apparently can’t be sent off) and hacks (say) Harry Kewell which ends up to be a serious debilitating injury in a later match, which inturn fucks our potential chances. Maybe even the guy’s professional career?

Besides all that shit… as the late great Bill Shankly said, “Football is not a matter of life and death – it’s far more important than that!”


"None have gone right, none have worked for me, for various reasons," Poll said. "We say in life one thing goes wrong it's unlucky, if two things go wrong then maybe you're really unlucky, but if it's three then you have to look at yourself and say something isn't quite right."

…Something isn’t quite right? What the fuck? Well I got a saying too – Three strikes you’re out! How about you consider this your third yellow card… pack up ya shit and get.


See if he was simply said I fucked up, which to his credit, he did repeatedly through the article but added, “Hey I wasn’t up to the task and I not really capable of running around adjudicating the best in the world. I’m not retiring, getting back on the horse – just a smaller breed”. I would of thought, yeah fair go. Instead I get a white-flag-waving-surrendering-mother-fucker (can I say mother on blogs?) with no self discipline (or refereeing if you prefer). You not going to go back International ‘cause no fucker (hopefully) is dumb enough to give you the job. Your going to keep going with domestic because you can handle that level of competition, and still need/want/enjoy the trade. Whinging that the reason you screwed up was because you weren’t up to the fucking task? – Are you a professional? Paid like one? Then act like one! Fucktard.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Shenanigans Files

The Shenanigans Files

Just so everyone knows, Game 6 today. Miami 3-2. Wade Won game 5 on two free throws (and 43 points) after foul on Nowitzki with 1.9 on the clock. People say there was no foul. They are half right. There was no foul on Nowitzki. If you can get hold of the footage (or if bertie can explain to my idjit ass how to upload pics on to this) you'll see that Devin Harris is holding (proper holding...not slapping) Wade's right arm.

The refs pinged the wrong guy but made the rightish call. Anyway, we go back to Dallas to see the last 2. And trust me there will be 7 games here. I still can't believe that Dwayne Wade is doing what he is doing. Its too much .

But i suppose you gotta start believing in this kid. This finals has been one the most amazing personal displays i've ever seen. The only worry is that everyone in the league tries to copy the Heat and we go back to one superstar stand-around ball instead of the Phoenix style run-and-gun. Cos i hate Baron Davis. And watching teams like Phoenix, Dallas, Clippers, Spurs play the kinda ball they have is a thing of beauty.

And if White Men Can't Jump taught us nothing else, it showed us that a thing of beauty should be a joy forever.

John Keats....that's my man.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

K'Dawg's Music Korner

Welcome back! You’re currently tuned to KDWG Radio with your host K. This time I thought we take a look at a much (much) easier listen… but, but they’re French! Now let me start to relieve your fears… this isn’t a world music thing, like a real Frenchy band. No, this band sings in English and are basically a pop band. Now let’s continue.

French outfit, Phoenix very recently released their third album It’s Never Been Like That. Some of you may of heard of them as Triple J gave them a fairly decent spin back in 2000 with their debut album, United. The biggest song with the most overplays from this album, "Funky Squaredance." With catchy tunes to a lush 70’s Euro-disco and (close to a) porn movie guitar sound, they impressed me. It was no surprise to me that Phoenix started as support band for Air and had members from both Daft Punk and Cassius help them out with their debut. Also I had this band really drummed into me – we had one particular employee at Impact Records (rip) play the ba’jesus out of the first album… only to do the same in 2004 when their (a tad lack lustre) follow-up arrived. But Alphabetical still had that flourishing sweet crisp pop-rock very comparable to their first release (although now with a slight country feel).

Two years later the disco backbeat is replaced by an actual drummer and with guitar rifts that could be at home on a Strokes or, more importantly, a Smiths tune (i.e. "This Charming Man"). The lyrical content is as strong as ever with a sweet vocal styling telling a story now minus all the female backups and slicker than slick production from the previous releases. After the first strangely catchy song, one can get more comfortable remembering the Phoenix of old, just with an upbeat twin guitar driven feel that lasts the whole album. This album shows a band in evolution. They already had a rather distinctive sound built on layers of synth-elecltro and old disco, now that gives way to the guitars with a more acoustic pop sound – these styles merge seamlessly and the group moves on to cement their own chic. Can’t wait for the next one.

KKKK (A solid four Ks)

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Who's Your Fucktard?

Yay Soccer Australia for living up to their potential and beat those dirty Japanese. It was payback after they bombed Darwin and torpedoed shit. But fuck Les Murray for trying to extradite the English language by using the term foot-A-ball nine times in about four consecutive sentences… except the very last utterance was inexplicitly (simply) foot-ball. I love the fact you can accurately pronounce foreign words (to what I can only assume) to such a degree that no nation could find fault. But trying to inject another syllable into a rather straightforward English word? For what? To empathise the name of the “beautiful” game? Fucktard.

Friday, June 16, 2006

The Shenanigans Files

The Shenanigans Files:
Fucking orright!! We got ourselves a freaking series!

After what can only be termed a scary situation (whereby I though we were looking at a match-up akin to the Lakers-Nets debacle in back in the day (2002?)), Miami decided they should use their size (duh) to beat up the Mavs and level the series at 2 a piece.

The first two games both pretty much saw the Mavs dismantle the Heat. Shaq looked old again, Wade stuggled, Walker chucked and Payton played like me ( bad? Slow? Un-skilled? All are appropriate).

However, after what can only be termed as a Jordan-esque performance from Wade in Game 3 (he dragged the Heat back from 13 down with only 6 to go in the game), the Heat thoroughly dominated the Mavs in Game 4 and ended up winning by like 20.


I am now going to make my bold (see stupid—Hey, I said we might lose to the Rats) prediction of the afternoon…

The Mavs will win this in six.

Let me clarify. After watching the first game of this series I learnt two things.

I desparetly want the Heat to win.
I don’t think they can.

I was proved right for two games. Then Wade decided to carry the Heat to two wins.

I still don’t think the Heat can win again. The Mavs have too many offensive options. The Heat have been lucky that Dirk hasn’t shown up yet, and that Josh Howard has largely been ineffectual offensively (especially today when he shot 1-8). The heat can’t expect more than what they got today out of Walker, Payton etc so for them to win 2 of the next 3 games, it will require that Wade play two out-of-his-skin games. I think he’s hurt and I don’t think he’s got it in him.

Meanwhile, I know Dirk is going to put 40 on these guys soon. Udonis Haslem is fantastic, but he’ll only keep Dirk quiet for so long….

So long and short i'm excited but wary. Kinda like when i see Ando...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Shenanigans Files

The Shenanigans Files

15 Dan Thoughts.

1. Do you find it odder that the Yanks are ranked number 5 in the world in football, or that they think that this is a legitimate ranking? Sort of reminds of when South Africa was the number 1 test team in the world.
2. I think it’s funny that Australia has gone world cup mad. Rexona, the Footy Show etc. People showing their complete lack of understanding of the game.
3. I also think it’s funny that for some reason I think my support of Australia is so much more genuine and born out of a deep seated love and knowledge of football. What’s the bet everyone deems it a failure if we don’t make the second round?
4. I’m fascinated by sporting coincidence and superstition. On Monday I watched the Raiders win despite the ref trying to bone us. And then saw the Socceroos win despite the ref trying to bone us
5. Then that could just be me thinking every ref is trying to bone my team.
6. Did you notice I’ve been calling it football so far? It was deliberate. I’m trying to prove how much more I genuinely love football than you.
7. If you have made it this far you’re a sad person. Get a hobby or pay more attention to your significant other. Or if your Ando…Dude, look behind you, there’s a big fucking country to look at.
8. Are you one of the stupid people who think this country is over-taxed? You should compare us to the rest of the developed world. You would be surprised. We’re the second lowest taxing developed country. The US, with its shambolic health, education and social security system is first, and not a good example to follow. You should start reading Ross Gittens at He’s smarter than you are.
9. I don’t like saying it, but I fear the Ginninderra Rats this year. Potential Bogey team status.
10. I want Shaq to go old school. Dunkin on fools! (White Chocolate!)
11. Kev go fuck yourself for living in Queensland. It was -5 when I got to work this morning. My shirt had snap-frozen itself ironed.
12. Did you know it costs 10,000 Euros to go to do a Masters at Edinburgh University? I’m looking at Oxford too, but can’t find the price. Maybe it’s like the old saying…if there’s no price on the menu then you probably can’t afford it.
13. While I’m at it…it’s hilarious that the ALP would upset its core voters by attacking public education in the way it has in Canberra. Brilliant boys…why didn’t you just start shooting Labor voters?
14. Kam i loved you're blog. I read it too. Keep em coming
15. I also love Tim Cahill. More than you.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

K’Dawg’s Music Korner

Welcome to K’Dawg’s Music Korner or KDWG Radio. I’m here to talk about long dear love, music. Each week or so I will pick an album that says something. Consider this a M.A.N. education programme (as part of B.U.). So I not going to write a review of why Revolver is truly a better album than Sgt Peppers or advise you not to tell anyone you don’t own Blonde On Blonde. Hopefully I will be talking about albums you won’t of heard or more importantly would be likely to hear. So to kick off I’m going to start off with an album you are unlikely to want to even pick up.

Cough (2004)

Second release from Washington, DC’s the Black Eyes makes an even harder listen then their debut a year earlier (which was a top 10 for me in 2003). It’s punk all right. It’s anarchic without question, but is it still music? Cough finds The Black Eyes at one of those magnificent musical crossroads where many artists find all goes to shit, but despite the odds can produce remarkable outcomes. Albums like Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours or Green Day’s American Idiot are two examples you might know… but unlike those bands that have leapt their own personal and/or external hurdles… Black Eyes simply run straight into it. Highlights include the lead track with impossible loops of sound, bible verses and featuring the two lead singers (and I use the word singer as loose as I ever have) jockeying for airtime, the remarkable third track “Drums”… and that’s about it. The rest of the album is a roller coaster of noise upon noise and vaguely put together lyrics, which in different circumstances could of surpassed their first release and possibly started them on a road towards achievements like ‘labelmates’ Fugazi’s brilliant The Argument. Cough is by no means just “white noise” and, damn it, there are some really good (not just promising) bits. The last few tracks of the album are a lot easier to deal with (still quite disjointed), but lose vigour as the trade off and just ain't much chop.

It is undoubtable that few Shenaniga (or indeed humans) could listen to album all the way through. Gone are the original proto-punk tunes of their self-titled debut album, replaced with a prog-punk sound, not in early gestation, but rather in dying throughs. Chaotic, violent and ‘squonky’ (read the constant intrusion with a broken reed sax). So I hear the question, “Jesus, K! Why the fuck should I even give a rat’s arse?” Well allow me to retort. As I mentioned earlier, there is a certain calibre of album that comes from, and more importantly OVER comes turmoil. Cough is quite the opposite. This five piece (two bassist, two drummers and guitar) broke up shortly before this album was released. These recordings are of a band in free-fall and self-destruction… and everyone’s throwing fuel on the fire. It’s a fascinating snap-shot of a band falling apart and like true punks – they don’t care!

Released by Discord records and produced by… satan on smack. And the album art looks like stuff I did in college. Ready to borrow for the K’Vaults NOW.

KK½ (Two and a half Ks)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Shenanigans Files

The Shenanigans Files

Confessions of a torn junkie.

Dear fucktards.

I’ve got a confession to make (and it has absolutely nothing to do with mine and Ando’s relationship). I can’t work out who I want to win the Finals.

In case you haven’t noticed (although, since its only Kev and Sid who might read this, you probably have) Dallas will play the Heat in the finals.

So I’m getting this off my chest.


Not the one in Sydney…notice the Q instead of the CK. I want him to win. But….


Not old, classic Dirk but new Dirk hero….real taste, no sugar.

I love that Shaq looks young every now and then (like when he drop-stepped into a pump-reverse jam like he was 24 against the Pistons in Game 2, causing me lose my tits…figuratively, not literally…calm down skank). Game 6 against the pistons he did the old shaq fuck-you-i-want-to-win. Did you read that? WANT. Key. Fuck it. He’s my hero.

I love that Dirk suddenly worked out that he is 7 foot tall and that little people can’t block him. His 3 point play against the Spurs in Game 7 was an amazing, I’ll remember it forever (even though I didn’t actually watch it till after work). His 50 in Game 5 (scoring 24 of 34 Mavs points at one stage). Jeebus.

Anyway, I have no idea who’ll win. I though the Pistons would walk through the East. And who would’ve know that Dirk would finally visit the Wizard of Oz.

WOOO. Fuck you all. I love it!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Movie Trivia

Which of the following films did not win the Best Picture Oscar?

a) Annie Hall
b) Citizen Kane
c) Casablanca

The answer is here.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Kev's Draft Predictions

The 2006 NBA draft - Chicago version

Firstly here is the draft order;
1. Toronto
2. Chicago (Via NY in a botched Paxon deal losing us Eddy Curry!! This had better work)
3. Charlotte
4. Portland
5. Atlanta
6. Minnesota
7. Boston
8. Houston
9. Golden State
10. Seattle
11. Orlando
12. New Orleans/OK
13. Philadelphia
14. Utah
15. New Orleans/OK (via Bucks)
16. Chicago
17. Indiana
18. Washington
19. Sacramento
20. New York (via Denver)
21. Phoenix (via Lakers)
22. New Jersey (via Clippers)
23. New Jersey
24. Memphis
25. Cleveland
26. L.A Lakers (via Miami)
27. Phoenix
28. Dallas
29. New York (via San Antonio)
30. Portland (via Detroit)
OK so I am not going to go through the whole draft and prospects etc or the post will just be enormous. I am going to talk about the important thing (for me) - Who will the Bulls pick! We have the no. 2 and no. 16 picks due to the Eddie Curry debarkle so it is important we make something out of this. Ando being a Paxon fan from way back is going to take a truckload of my abuse if this doesn't work out.

First problem we have is this is a pretty poor draft class, there are no High School superstars as the Draft rules have changed. That in particular is killing me as a 7'1" giant called Greg Oden would be eligible and he is likely to be the next dominant NBA centre (wait for the 2007 draft class it could be awesome, another High school superstar the 6'10" SF Kevin Durant has serious game). There are also no real standout college players as the NCAA's most prolific scorers and hyped players J.J Reddick (Duke) and Adam Morrison (Gonzaga) didn't take their team deep into the NCAA tourney. In addition to this Rudy Gay and UConn's team of stars didn't get very far either. With that in mind here are the players scouts are looking to go high in the draft.

Tyrus Thomas - LSU 6'9" PF - Young athletic and had a great tourney. I saw him play an average game so am confused about the hype. Touted to go in the top 3, seems risky to me.

LaMarcus Aldridge - Texas 6'10" PF - Saw a few Texas games and like what he can do. Has a good around the basket game with a variety of skills. Good rebounder and great timing for shot blocking. Young like Thomas so also a risk.

Andrea Bargnani - 7' Italy C - International scouts reckon he is awesome and better than any college big man. Always a risk picking a euro high in the draft.

Adam Morrison - 6'8" Gonzaga SF - Big time college scorer who loves to shoot. Looks like a white gumby and talks trash, the NBA is keen to teach him a lesson. My feeling is crash and burn as he will be too slow to get the same shots as in college and wont have the same height advantage.

Brandon Roy - 6'5" Washington SG - Had a good tourney and has good basic skills. Doubt if he is an NBA big time scorer though.

Rudy Gay - 6'9" UConn SF - very solid player, tournament performance killed his draft stock. If your team needs a SF get him.

Randy Foye - 6'4" Villanova PG/SG - Another "solid" guard prospect so many to choose from.

Ronneie Brewer - 6'7" Arkansas PG/SG - Poor shooter but has other skills, really SF is more his NBA game.

Shelden Williams - 6'9" Duke PF - Dominant in College but most people feel he will have problems with the NBA bigs. He is nothing special more your workhorse player.

Marcus Williams - 6'3" UConn PG - Another average guard to choose from

JJ Reddick - 6'4" Duke SG - Was the man till LSU's D shut him down, now everyone questions his ability. He can shoot the lights out, any team needing to get some firepower from outside will pick him up. I reckon he would be a good fit for Indiana but doubt he will fall to 17.

Maruice Ager - 6' 5" Michigan State SG - Another middle of the road guard. I have seen a few games however and like his potential. Another dark horse pick from me.

Hilton Armstrong - 6'11" UConn PF/C - My dark horse pick - scouts have him going between 13 - 20, I like his game. Good fundamentals and very coachable. On a team with stars he didn't stand out but has a great base to work with.

So what does Chicago need, well in my opinion Hinrich is a reasonable NBA point guard, he has developed extremely well. Certainly he is a good passer, ball handler and is excellent at running an offence, downside is that he is slow and though he has a good shot unfortunately he has to take some low % options due to the lack of other scoring options. Ben Gordon has the SG spot locked-up despite Coach Skiles hating him, he is the best offensive talent on the team and will keep developing his game to make better decisions. Deng is a good fit for SF, a young and athletic guy who is developing his game but was set back by injury this year. These are all young guys who have the potential (an important word for a Bulls fan) to become a good NBA backcourt in the future, they took Miami to 6 games without a superstar on the team and nothing inside to score on or guard Shaq!! There isn't much on the bench to back these guys up and that is a problem.

Upfront the Bulls have;
Malik Allen - not starting material
Othella Harrington - old and not starting material
Michael Sweetney - undersize overweight and not starting material
Luke Schenscher - An Australian who Shenanigans played against for a season yay!!!(he played A1's with North's due to being to young/crap for Div 1). Not starting material a rookie and stick figure

Tyson Chandler - High School pheonom superstar, a good defensive player and rebounder who cannot score a point to save his life and fouls out nearly every game. I live in eternal hope of his untapped potential developing.

Andres Nocioni - An amazing player, very euro. Great work ethic, defender and incredible inside player considering his size. His jumper is even quite good. Is best suited sharing the SF spot with Deng and playing some PF against smaller teams. Every team in the NBA wants this guy coming off the bench, had a great playoff series.

To me that picture says Chicago needs an inside player, someone who can score points and play D. I was extremely concerned however to read a Chicago tribune article suggesting we need guards or a SF like Morrison!!! and to look to get a big man under free agency. To me this is insanity as the free agent market is pretty poor this year despite the bucketloads of money we have. Really the only viable player is Ben Wallace and I doubt he will leave Detroit. He has pretty much come out and said already that he won't go to Chicago. My faith was slightly restored today however with Bulls GM Paxon (Ando's buddy) saying "We need size and we need athleticism". To me that says we are getting Tyrus Thomas or Aldridge and I really want Aldridge. For some reason however Toronto despite having crap Guards and an all-star PF appear to be looking for a big!!!

Worst case scenario the Bulls take Morrison at 2 and one of many average guards at 16. It takes months to work out that Ben Wallace will not sign with us for all the Gold in fort Knox so we miss out on any free agency deal. We spend another year playing with great intensity only to lose games due to having nothing inside to stop teams pressuring our guards and overpowering us in the paint. I make a special trip to Canberra with a loud speaker and spend the entire day abusing Ando over mismanagement of the Bulls by GM Paxon.

What the Bulls will probably do;
Take the Euro Bargnani at 2 and a middle of the road SF/PF like Shawnee Williams at 16. We then blow all our free agency dollars on a "superstar" guard like Bonzi Wells

OK so here is my preferred option for the draft;
LaMarcus Aldridge at 2 - He may not be an impact player immediately but should develop quickly and provide some scoring down low. If Toronto take Aldridge then you have no choice but to gamble on Thomas or Bargnani, I pick Thomas as a total guess having seen him in one game and Bargnani in none.

If he slips to 16 take Hilton Armstrong - My dark horse pick, most people have him going at 13. I am hoping he takes a slide. There are other bigs to choose from a few euro's and James Augustine, please don't pick Boone!!

We have lots of money in free agency dollars so lets get Jim Jackson - He has one thing the bulls lack... experience plus can play SG or SF and wont cost us too much if we play our cards right (shakes fist at Paxon). Lets save our money (again!!) till there is something worth buying.

So there you have it lets tune in for the Draft on June 28 :D That is all from me.


Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Bertie's Babewatch

Shawnee Smith


Probably best known for her role as Linda in Becker, she also appears in all three Saw movies (the third one being made right now), "The Stand" TV miniseries, an episode of The X-Files (which reminded me about her), Armageddon and Who's Harry Crumb?

Monday, May 22, 2006

Why Tony Parker needs to have a can of whoop-ass opened on him!!!

I have seen all I can stand and I can't stands no more. For too long have I watch in frustration as Parker poo's up the Spurs offence in an effort to make himself look good, now the time to speak out has arrived. The simple truth is that Tony Parker sucks and his biggest problem is he doesn't realise it.

I have cut down the significant rant and rage section of my post down to the few lines above, very impressive considering how pissed off I am at Parker right now. To those who know me my hatred of Tony Parker is well documented, I have never found him to be a player of any exceptional ability despite journalistic efforts reporting the contrary. My particular dislike of Tony is his inability to get the ball to Tim Duncan as often as he should. Duncan is a player I have a high amount of admiration for, he is one of the greatest low post players ever to play the game and it really pisses me off when he doesn't get the ball after establishing good position. Having said that and being fair to Parker (though it pains me to say this) I will concede that he generally has good skills for an NBA point guard and in my opinion ranks in the top 10 in the league for that position. It takes some time for a player to adjust his game to the NBA style and Parker has made a successful contribution to the Spurs by being the player that runs the offence. Parker basically brings the following skill set every night;

  • Good ball handling and not turnover prone
  • Understanding of the offence and court balance to run it
  • A reasonable passer but still not a big assist giving point guard
  • D that is reasonable against most players of his position

The great problem in Parkers game for many years and the facet that the Spurs organisation have asked him to work on is his jump shot. In my opinion this is a sensible and reasonable request the rationale is that with all the double-teams Duncan draws Parker will be wide open off a post entry pass. It is an awesome idea to make guarding Duncan that much harder, the other pieces to this puzzle are already in place Bowen can hit a baseline 3 ptr if his man doubles, Ginobilli can slash or shoot from the weak side and Nesterovic and Mohammed can make a lay-up… normally. Parker's jump shot makes double-teaming and the following defensive rotation a very hard ask for the D. Despite this Parker still struggles to hit the backboard from about 15ft. I should point out they are not asking him to hit 3's either just a mid-range or even free-throw to start with anything further out is a bonus. Anyhow it couldn't have been that bad of a problem for the Spurs to win a few rings - read Duncan is awesome. In the off-season however Parker didn't seem to hear the Spurs organisation say "make a damn jumpshot" even though they gave him a personal shooting coach, no instead he heard "improve your FG %". With this in mind Parker has made quite a name for himself this season "torching defences" (Mr Walton words not mine") by getting to the rim using his speed when pushing the ball up the court and even in the half court. Parker was among the league leaders in FG% this season and even lead the Spurs in scoring, he became the teams "superstar" (Mr Walton again) All season long the journalists were raving about the incredible Parker who was now a first time all-star. It was useful to have Parker score more points as Duncan made no secret of "resting" on the court this season due to foot injuries in a hope he would have enough left in the tank for the playoffs (yeah he rested at almost 20 ppg!!) I didn't believe the Parker hype for a minute, unfortunately Parker and the Spurs organisation did. I have watched quite a few Spurs games this season and one thing is clearly apparent, though Parker has managed to score more points this season and the team did secure the best record in the West it has created two significant problems;

  • By pushing the ball so much Parker increases the tempo of the game. The Spurs have typically been a half court slow down team as this plays into the effectiveness of Duncan's game. Picking the temp up helps teams like Dallas and Phoenix who like to run.
  • By not distributing the ball as he should Parker allows the Spurs offence to stagnate at times, this has effected not only the play of Duncan but Ginobilli also.

For some reason it didn't occur to the Spurs that the playoffs (surprising considering their experience) are different to the regular season and that perhaps teams wouldn't be letting a PG who can't shoot

get to the rim!!! Funny thing about the NBA is that you need to adjust your game before the league adjusts to you. That may be a little harsh clearly since the playoffs began Duncan has been the focus of the offence again and has destroyed anyone trying to guard him. The Spurs offence however doesn’t look anywhere near as sharp as it should. The damage is done as Parker is inconsistent and has struggled in the playoffs, typically his good performances are offset by a poor team effort such as his 33pts in the Game 4 loss. Game 6 was the showcase for Parker 8 pts in 35 minutes on 3-17 shooting a John Starks effort, not to mention a spectacular 3 assists!!! The Dallas game plan "go ahead shoot it I dare you" worked to perfection in a game where parker should have been more effective without Jason Terry to bother him. Parker's D has also been exposed this series, though not a bad defender he is more being overpowered than out-quicked, there isn't much you can do about that. Dallas play the "nelly-ball" offence and works hard to create mis-matches.

So there you have it why I hate Parker so much in a nutshell. He has hurt the team by not doing what was asked of him (learning to shoot) and damaged the offence in the process by picking up the game tempo and disrupting what is normally good ball movement. The most disappointing thing about this is that Parker could still use this to his advantage if he simply learned to pass the ball when he got to the rim, something I saw only once this playoff series and was probably the best play of the series - a behind the back assist to a wide open Duncan after drawing a double team by driving to the rim. Do that a few more times and I might think about taking you off my list…… yeah there is about as much chance of that happening as there is of me taking Shak off that list :D

For now I am all raged out,

Stay tuned for my soon to come NBA draft rant or "Can the Bulls get it right… for Ando's sake"

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Movie Trivia

Which actor has appeared in each of these three films:

1--Ocean's Eleven
2--Ocean's Twelve
3--American Pie

Any ideas?

You'll find the answer here.

Bertie's Babewatch

Julie Bowen

Julie Bowen

From Happy Gilmore, Ed, a little bit of Lost, and currently on Boston Legal.

Friday, May 19, 2006

The Shenanigans Files

The Shenanigans Files

Boredom strikes, the spud has an hour to waste and no work to do. It’s an exciting time at his desk, he almost considers leaving…need the flex, need the flex. The spud looks around, little chocolate ball is still here, but the less-than-impressed girl has left, as is her partner-in-crime, Ms “I wasn’t cool in high school and refuse to be friendly because I’m scared you’ll tease me”. No one else is near.

It’s time for an update. The sun’s in my eyes, the boss left at 11, Supervisor at 4. Conservative guy is leaving with his wife now. Funny fat girl doesn’t work Friday’s….Grad boy is still there, I spose I could chat to him. He’s alright.

Basketball happened today. Clipper beat Suns by 12 in Game 6. I love Elton Brand. I want him to hold me and tell me basketball is always going to be like this. Never let me go Elton. (Said that before).

I’m seriously considering taking Tuesday off purely to watch this game. This is an amazing series. Screw that. They’ve all been amazing. Even the relatively tame Heat vs. Nets series had 3 close games, Antoine Walker cutting sick (who would’ve known? Not Danny Ainge) and an Angry Shaq (yes, it’s a noun.)

Dallas and Spurs is 3-2 Dallas. Dallas won 3 & 4 by not much; Spurs returned the favour in 5. Duncan is ridiculous, Dirk is ridiculous, Devin ‘I move faster than the camera’ Harris is as impossible to not like as Bruce Bowen is to like. Jason Terry is out for Game 6. If Dallas don’t close this out now it’s all over. You can’t give a champion a second chance.

Cavs are beating Detroit 3-2. Yes you read that correct. Before the series I would’ve bet my girlfriend that the Pistons would win, after 2 I would’ve bet my l’il fella and now after winning three in a row, Lebron is going home to try and close it out. You’d be crazy to think Detroit will go quietly, but Lebron could do it. Although, who the hell is comfortable with the following sentence? The Cavs may make the conference finals.

Not me.

Well that wasted 7 minutes.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Bertie's Babewatch

Moon Bloodgood


OK, I've never seen any of the handful of movies she's been in, but she was one of Empire magazine's rising stars, and she's got an awesome name.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Bertie's Babewatch

Tea Leoni

Tea Leoni

From movies like Bad Boys, Deep Impact, and Jurassic Park 3, a hilarious TV show "The Naked Truth", and most recently in Fun With Dick and Jane. Married to David Duchovny, thereby making her part of my favourite Hollywood couple (if I actually had such a thing).

Movie Trivia

Gary Oldman, Joe Pesci, John Candy and Kevin Bacon all co-starred in which film?

Have a go, see if you can work it out.

But if you can't, you'll find the answer here.

NBA Update: Who loves short people?

Heat have a 3-1 lead after taking both in New Jersey. I watched Game 3 on Saturday and the Nets were in it the whole way until Vnice Carter forgot he wasn’t Jason Kidd and TWICE tried to split a trap by himself in the last couple of minutes. It resulted in 2 turnovers and easy buckets for the Heat who ended up winning by 10 or so. What was striking for me about this game (and game 4 apparently) was that Antoine Walker was hitting shots. Following my rant the other day, our friends in expert town have decreed that the Heat are now legitimate contenders. I’m not so sure that you can rely on Antoine Walker as a signal for how your team is going...

The Cavs beat Detroit (amazingly) in both games in Cleveland. Detroit don’t seem that interested and allowed Lebron to get a triple double and a near triple double in each game. In both of these games, the Pistons looked like they were going to pull away and then just didn’t, tending to settle for long jumpers rather than the usual ball movement. It’s a little weird, but one assumes they’ll win in Detroit and close it out in 6.

Mavs beat Spurs in two very tight games in Dallas (they won Game 3 by one and Game 4 in OT). They now lead 3-1 despite Tim Duncan being, well….Duncanesque. He’s seriously playing old-school timmy. As Kev said the other day, Ginobili has been missing, but he did much better today, coming off the bench for about 30 but the Spurs still lost so they’ll be playing Game 5 in San-Antonio to stay alive. I like the concept that the Mavs are doing with the two speedy little guards (the media thinks it’s two point guards but one is Jason Terry so doesn’t count). They’re really moving the ball and attacking the Spur's defence, and suprisngly, the Spurs are really struggling with this. Terry hit some absolutely huge shots in OT, including two 20-foot rainbows over Duncan to close out the game.
Bruce Bowen is ropeable because he’s being called for fouls. It was bound to happen one day.

Suns and Clippers is 2-2. Suns won game 3 because they put the Matrix on Cassell and shut him down (he finished with less than 10 points), so Mike Dunleavey brought Magette into the starting lineup for Game 4, forcing Marion onto him and which left No D Steve (Nash) to “guard” Sam I Am, who promptly milked him for 28-11-9.

While I’m here, the Knicks fan in me needs to make a confession about the rumours that Larry Brown will soon be fired and Isiah Thomas appointed to coach the team he constructed.

I’m amazingly excited.

For this one reason. It will mean the end of the Isiah Thomas and his involvement with the Knicks. We can get a GM that is not stupid…well less stupid than Thomas. I don’t need to go into what Isiah has done. He did bad. That is all you need to know.
I’ll explain why Thomas is screwed. This team can’t win. If he has to coach it, it means one year at the very most of Thomas sucking it up big time, then bang, not only do we get a new GM, we get a new coach and with the help of Vishnu and his many arms, we may just become relevant again.

But then again we might just trade for more shooting point guards and fat power forwards.

Fall in love, you know you want to.

Casablanca is one of the greatest films ever made.

There is no debate.

It's romantic, it's funny, it's poignant, it's dramatic, it's cheesy--but most of all, it's simply fantastic cinema. Bogart at his best, Bergman looking simply radiant, and a script so sharp, so on the nose, it makes you doubt it was written in 1942.

Don't think that because it's B&W it can't be good, don't think that because it was made in the 40s that it's dated and don't think you can't fall in love with it. Because you can. You will. It's the greatest love story of all time.

It's brilliant. Nothing more needs to be said. See it. You won't be sorry.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Bertie's Babewatch

Elisabeth Rohm

Elisabeth Rohm

Mainly known for her work in Angel (Seasons 1 and 2) and Law and Order, but also had a role in Miss Congeniality 2.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Bertie's (Classic) Babewatch

Charisma Carpenter

Charisma 2

Sure you remember her from Buffy and Angel (aka the Charisma Carpenter Show) but did you know she had a recurring role in Charmed, and can currently be seen in the second season of Veronica Mars? And she's hotter than ever :)

Thursday, May 11, 2006

NBA Update

Well how ‘bout a thumpin’ then chump?

I love the playoffs. It’s a time when a game 1 loss then turns into a turn-around thrashing. Its happened in 3 of the 4 conference semis so far. In a 7 game series, good coaches get to observe and make changes which often results in the tit-for-tat nature of playoff basketball.

My favourite thing about these turnarounds is the chicken-little response from basketball observers. After Game 1 of the Spurs/Mavs series, Dirk had no answer for Bowen, but with a couple of adjustments by Avery Johnson (moving Adrian Griffin out of the starting line-up which gave them better weak side options in Jerry Stackhouse and Josh Howard on offence, and the move of Devin Harris to the starting line-up which sped the pace of the game up a bit) this changed, and the Mavs won the second game and as far as our friends at, et al. are concerned, the Mavs will now win in 5.

Similar things can be seen in the Heat/Nets series and of course the Suns/Clippers series. Nets ride Shaq’s foul trouble to a big win in Game 1, and then get thumped because Shaq doesn’t get into foul trouble (and because Wade cuts loose). Meanwhile, the experts (damn fat cats on Capital Hill!!!) shift from Nets in 6 to Heat in 6.
What I’m getting at here is that these people need to chill the fuck out. It might sound odd, but the playoffs pit the best teams, with the best coaches against each other. One can expect that these teams and their coaches might be able to adjust from game to game.

One game does not a series make. There is seven for a reason.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

NBA Update

Word to everyone’s mothers. Spud here with an NBA update to start off the fantasticness that is the Shenanigan files. And just a word to the wise, this isn’t going to be like old-school updates. Yes I will say dumb things, yes I will steal other people’s ideas, but more importantly, I’m going to spread my wings. There will rants galore about all the topics under the sun. The constant however is that I’ve always got something to say about basketball and thus that is where we’ll start. Riiiiiiight now!

New Jersey started their series with the Heat by pasting them in Game 1 of their series. The reason? Shaq and foul trouble. I tend to fall on the side of the debate that thinks Shaq is god on a stick, so they should lay-off the big fella. Others say he’s slowed down and thus not moving laterally enough to avoid foul trouble. Whatever.

I suppose the weird thing here is that the NBA refs seem to love to call charges. We’ve all seen it. It’s getting really odd. It’s like they really want things to return to the ‘turgid game’ (as opposed to the ‘beautiful game’ and similar to Shenanigans basketball) and stop the offense from scoring (oh yeah, that’s Shenanigans basketball). Anyway it will go like this for the rest of the series. If Shaq is in trouble, then the Nets win, if not, the Heat win…I feel that this can’t continue for ever, so how about the Heat in 7? I’m about as confident I am about that as I am of the thought of Skank dolling out love advice, but hey, if Skank can do it so can the Heat.
Moving on.

Spurs are 1-0 up against Dallas. This could go 7 too…if Nowitzki learns to deal with the thuggery of Bruce Bowen. Mavs are going to have to get 30 from him most nights, and get points from Jerry Stackhouse, Josh Howard and Jason Terry. It makes no sense on paper but has worked this season due to Nowitzki being awesome (on the offensive end—he plays D like me…not so much). Now that he’s not so awesome cos of Bowen, everyone else is struggling. Hopefull Dirk can work this out, so we can watch 7 games. Spurs will win cos Tim Duncan is awesome and they’re trying to guard him with something called DJ Mbenga…look for him at a club near you!

Pistons are killing the Lebrons. It’s so painful to watch the Cavs. They don’t move, no one else can score. I feel horrible watching them. On the plus side, we can claim they’ve copied our playbook! Also, the Lebrons tried to grow team beards for the playoffs, but Eric Snow didn’t (or more likely, couldn’t do it). Bad sign if you ask me.

Clippers and Suns is an interesting match-up. Suns took Game 1 in a high-scoring affair. Suns are winners and Clippers are losers (usually). Nash runs the ball better than anyone in the league not named Kidd, and someone I was reading said that Clippers coach Mike Dunleavy knows transition D inside out. Allegedly. Anyway, I have a severe soft spot for this Clippers team—Brand, Livingston, Cassell and Maggette all do the things their role requires. Brand bangs, Livingston runs and passes, Cassell makes the big shots and leads the team and Maggette slashes.

I love the Suns too though, how can you not? Diaw and Marion are two of the most athletically amazing players around. Diaw is playing as a weird SF/C mix and Marion is playing as a weird SF/PF mix. Essentially the way I see it, you have Nash at point and the rest is debateable. Anyway, they don’t really play D, so it’s conceivable that Brand might average 55-15 in this series given they have no one to guard him with. Further, Maggette and Livingston come off the bench for the Clippers and the Suns have a worse bench than Gene Hackman’s Hoosiers (remember the little kid sat on the bench? No?), so it comes down to that, look for actual NBA players to triumph. After the Lakers series I have no idea what the Suns will do… they could well run the pants off the Clippers…. This could go either way, but I want the Clippers to win—who doesn’t love a retarded underdog?

I know I do.

Sunday, May 07, 2006


Welcome to version 3 of The Shenanigans Files, this time in blog form. You can expect scintillating NBA updates from Spuddy, movie news from Skank and maybe even some Bertie's Babewatch.

If you want to be added as a contributor, or have suggestions for formatting/links/anything, just contact Bertie and he'll think about it...