Monday, July 17, 2006

It's an S Club Party!

Fellow Shenanigans, keep Sat 5th August free as I'll be having an ol' fashioned Kegger.

I turn 30, have moved into my new house and thought some nice tap beer would be a good way to celebrate.

For those not into beer (who the hell do you think you are?!) I'm sure I can find some lolly water or similar to keep you entertained.

Anyway more details to follow as it gets closer to the date, but now you all know the basic jist.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Return of the Top 5

I've been thinking for a while about some other contribution I might make, other than putting up pictures of hotties (which is valuable on its own, of course). So here it is:

Top 5 Computer Games

5 - Donkey Kong handheld

The first computer game I ever owned, probably costing 6 months pocket money. I buy new batteries for it every few years, just so I can "clock" it in reminiscence.

4 - Street Fighter 2

Fuck off K, you're not allowed to use special attacks 'cause I'm too lame to learn them. And stop sweeping, Brady. Also: "Better get me a wheelchair" and "Sureyoucan"

3 - Wipeout (Playstation)

The PS version wins just slightly because it has The Prodigy's "Firestarter" as one of the music tracks.

2 - Mario Kart (SNES or Nin 64)

1 - Legend of Zelda (SNES)

I've played this game from start to finish 3 or 4 times, which means it's waaay to easy for any serious gamer, but for me it's the perfect difficulty level. Wasted away many an hour I should have been studying during my Uni days.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Bertie's Babewatch

Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell

I watched Reefer Madness: The Musical again the other night, thoroughly enjoying a different fix of Ms. Veronica Mars. She can also be seen in selected episodes of Deadwood, a new movie Pulse, the no-doubt-hilarious Pootie Tang, and is currently filming Flatland: The Movie with Arrested Development's "Buster", Tony Hale.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

Who’s Your Fucktard?

Now don’t think all my gripes are going to be about association football, but I’m not breaking from tradition today. This time my fucktard is English referee, Graham Poll. He was a particular shinning example of the quality of refereeing over the course of this World Cup and was the man on duty for Australia V Croatia.

I read this article thinking this will be the wrap up to say this ref got fined (okay, wishful thinking) or told to pack his bags and head back to England with his loser English soccer side mates. Now this is not what you think. He gave one Croatian player three yellow cards in one match, and miss all kinds of shit. That’s not why he’s a fucktard… okay that pretty much makes you a f’tard in any man’s code, but not why he’s MY fucktard. Read the article. Sports Illustrated is basically letting him tell his side of the story, but also to make excuses.

My favourites…
1) Poll said he was exhausted for the last 10 minutes of a match marred by eight yellow cards, three red cards and four goals. During the game, he faced severe intimidation from some players.

2)"It's time for me to let go of the mistake -- nobody got hurt from the error, nobody died ... What I did was a public mistake, but it didn't affect qualification, it didn't affect the outcome of the match."

3) "None [Poll has worked at the two previous World Cups and was also a part of the 2000 European Championship] have gone right, none have worked for me, for various reasons," Poll said. "We say in life one thing goes wrong it's unlucky, if two things go wrong then maybe you're really unlucky, but if it's three then you have to look at yourself and say something isn't quite right."

Right. Fair enough, he’s talking about his reasons for not retiring outright. Now let’s pull at the threads.



(1)

“Poll said he was exhausted for the last ten minutes…” Well shit. I’m sorry the game is a least 90 minutes long. When you go back to English Premier League are you going to blow time off at the eighty minute mark saying you need a little lie down? Or say, “Sorry guys I’m gonna need you to keep it clean, real clean and also could you not score any goals either for the last ten minutes – in fact you guys stay on this side of the field and guys on that side and I’m holding onto the ball”. I’m sorry ‘tard, but this is the World Cup. The biggest associated football event. The Olympics of Football. If you can’t do the job, don’t fucking apply. Stand aside, understand this is an import event and if you’re not up to the task, etc…

“During the game, he faced severe intimidation from some players.” Players arguing with the refs? Only in Soccer, huh? Now if the players are badgering you – card them, that’s what they’re for. Oh I forgot, you can’t fucking count so you don’t want to start doing that do you? Then again pull out the red one first, then you can keep going until all the players are sent off and then you might be able to finish up by the 70th minute. Besides maybe if you were doing a better job players wouldn’t be so aggressive towards you… maybe. And again, what the fuck would of happened if you were refereeing one of the later games that have to go into extra time to get a result? Showing a blue card for your cardiac arrest?



(2)

“It's time for me to let go of the mistake…” – Okay. “…nobody got hurt from the error…” – Fair enough. “…nobody died” Fuck, I fucking hate that expression. As if it makes every fucking things okay. Every fucking thing excusable. I hope the next time you go to the pub, the bar keep doesn’t give you any change and/or a really heady beer and just says to you, “Nobody got hurt, nobody died”. But right nothing bad happened; unless not sending a player off who then feels he’s got free rein (‘cause apparently can’t be sent off) and hacks (say) Harry Kewell which ends up to be a serious debilitating injury in a later match, which inturn fucks our potential chances. Maybe even the guy’s professional career?

Besides all that shit… as the late great Bill Shankly said, “Football is not a matter of life and death – it’s far more important than that!”



(3)

"None have gone right, none have worked for me, for various reasons," Poll said. "We say in life one thing goes wrong it's unlucky, if two things go wrong then maybe you're really unlucky, but if it's three then you have to look at yourself and say something isn't quite right."

…Something isn’t quite right? What the fuck? Well I got a saying too – Three strikes you’re out! How about you consider this your third yellow card… pack up ya shit and get.

.
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See if he was simply said I fucked up, which to his credit, he did repeatedly through the article but added, “Hey I wasn’t up to the task and I not really capable of running around adjudicating the best in the world. I’m not retiring, getting back on the horse – just a smaller breed”. I would of thought, yeah fair go. Instead I get a white-flag-waving-surrendering-mother-fucker (can I say mother on blogs?) with no self discipline (or refereeing if you prefer). You not going to go back International ‘cause no fucker (hopefully) is dumb enough to give you the job. Your going to keep going with domestic because you can handle that level of competition, and still need/want/enjoy the trade. Whinging that the reason you screwed up was because you weren’t up to the fucking task? – Are you a professional? Paid like one? Then act like one! Fucktard.